January 2012
26 posts
Brian: Jimmy started the Call of Duty campaign, I think he thinks he's really there.
Nate: New Portlandia episode is up, wow your day just got so chill
Nate: Chill I'm about to go to the National Xmas party.
Brian: Your body can't withstand babes of that magnitude.
Nate: I plan on generating a lot of power.
Nate: Hi I'm a blackout version of myself with plenty of party left in the gas tank.
Brian: Oh yeah well we are at Buffs SW playing Keno. We just got our appetizer with ramp onion mustard sauce.
Nate: Happy new year Nathan you've lost your friends to gambling and foraged foods.
Brian: Heirloom has a Santa photo-op going for the kids except 'Santa' is an organic tomato.
Nate: If you want to be like me for any reason, order a pizza and then fall asleep, missing all 4 of their calls, then wake up too hungry to think.
Brian: The honey badger, he see you and he crush da Georgia.
Nate: Hear me now iss dat badge.
Nate: Rock bottom comes in many forms.
Nate: Wish I had a pic to go with that one.
Nov. 23rd
Brian: I'm just at the doctor's office. This Hershey's kiss will be my Thanksgiving feast.
Nate: Well I'm hanging upside down like a bat letting all my fluids drain so I can fit more turkey.
Nate: This liquor store on Lawrenceville Suwanee Road is hustling mad money. They have like 30 employees on the floor and probably 115 customers in there at a single time.
Brian: Thats funny cause I was about to say the same thing about this meadhouse in Skyrim.
Nate: Adios tip of my left index finger. You held fast for twenty four years.
Brian: Owww why'd you cut off my hand?
Brian: Were you making the human blood puree or the finger soup?
Brian: Sucks that you can't play BF3 ever again.
Nate: Well the soup was delish like a good borsht.
Nate: Battlefield 3 shall be my rehab.
Brian: Beep beep ribby ribby
Nate: Glug glug I'm drowning
Brian's greatest fear
Nate: Daylight savings so we get an extra hour of life force tomorrow.
Brian: This year I've actually constructed an underground bunker that will suspend the Earth's rotation rendering time and space null. So theres that.
Brian: Whats the best coffee in Charlotte.
Nate: Smelly Cat.
Brian: Ok just needed some advice to not listen to.
Nate: Just cruised in [DELETED]'s beemer. It's chill.
Brian: Yeah I saw you. I was the one that shouted, "Oh whats this, a couple of puffs out for a drive?"
Discussing our Halloween idea
Nate: I think I'm def getting a hazmat suit for Jesse Pinkman.
Brian: I can get something close to the masks they wear, then we just need smocks and rubber gloves.
Nate: Yeah perfect. You also need two phones and a massive tumor.
Brian: I think I'll have the cough by the time we dress up. You need a crack pipe and a prostitute and bloodshot eyes.
Nate: And I'll just itch all over and have my feet covered in pink fluid.
Nate: I'm working a catering at [DELETED] the world's best bank but they are taking forever to eat so I'm trying to bang the waitress and time is running out.
Nate: Too late I have dispatched Grimzler
Brian: I discovered I can jussstt get WiFi at work. Uh-oh.
Nate: It's like, hi I'm Brian the web surfing chill bro attendant. What's that? Oh I've been fired.
Brian: Did you know [DELETED] is married? Too bad I wont be able to give her the top of your desk as a wedding gift.
Nate: Headed to National for a drink
Nate: Go bar. Beauty pageant. Hot. Peace.
Nate: Where you at doosh chill?
Nate: Just ate an octopus FYI it was on your couch
Nate: Unjustly killed a man. Chef Nate. Adios.
Nate: Uncle Nate made some mistakes last night. That much we know.
Brian: Yeah sounds like it dude.
Brian: Dude I heard [DELETED]'s was EPIC. Not.
Nate: Yeah it looked so bad I didn't even go so you knooowwww it sucked. You at work?
Brian: Yeah mostly just serving gas and sending doosh texts and tweets.
On the creation of @brofort
Brian: You should see if you have any new twitter followers.
Nate: You should see if I tweeted hilarious shit at them.
Brian: Some guy just came in dropping 'fire' and 'chill' and 'broseph' left and right and commented on my Penguin shirt, I sense your handiwork.
Nate: Yo that must be my boy [DELETED]. He's super chill, he's like pure fire.
Brian: Jared will be in town around 11, your presence is requested -Davis, the butler
Nate: Mr. Brand shall be engaged until around then and will meet at a place of your choosing -Cecil, the new butler
Brian: Ok I need you to make me a protein shake. I got my fantasy football draft and I need to be sharp . . .
Nate: About to sell this bike to [DELETED] for 1 dollar and a kiss on the lips.
September 2011
9 posts
Brian: This guy just made a tax code joke to this chick - it bombed big time, go figure
Nate: Thats amazing sounds like a Kashyyk thang
Brian: Also the lady that came in to talk about resume's asked us if anyone was going to Dragoncon and asked if we could be friends. The air of desperation was palpable
Brian: Yo Nate "I only communicate from 2am-5am" Brando what is it? What news from Rohan?
Brian: Hey man, I got that deviled ham spread you were needing. Crazy story its here at da Bread Basket
Nate: The high pitched whine of your cryptic texts is driving me crazy
Nate: I'm the one cooking here, not you, not you, and not you!
Nate: Operation bonezone is in full swing and going just beautifully
Brian: Hate you, I guess its just me and my bag of Utz tonight
Nate: [DELETED] will be gone by 11. Boom nateski getting it done
Brian: Nice you have successfully quelled the uprising
Nate: Less plebs are needed
Moving Preparations
Brian: How's the packfest coming and no I'm not talking about that film with all those dudes you are working on
Nate: We wrapped that weeks ago, its going great just taping boxes and trying to make a fort
Brian: Do you estimate needing any more boxes? There are deep reserves . . . I would have to call a special meeting of the 1st skreet congress but it could be arranged
Brian: Reading Jurassic Park, funny, the line "hold on to your butts" isn't in the original text
Brian: The game warden did just order LAW missiles though so thats chill
Nate: I need to go to the slut factory and pick out a new model am I right?
Brian: What happened to your SP3-5000? I got a nice red-head, latte loving, Fitzgerald reading, so just need a deposit . . .
May 2011
7 posts
Nate: I'd say I'm happier when girls don't come back with me because it means I get to eat corn dogs.
Nate: I always imagined that rock bottom would have more strippers and blow and less 30 rock and Busch beer.
Brian: Soccer at 5?
Nate: Cant work at 5
Brian: Call in sick, say you are too chill to work
Nate: Tried that one last week, they called my ass out and put me in a room with two chicks I had crushes on. Turns out I was not so chill.
Brian: The anti-chill its like your Kryptonite
Nate: It's so true it's like so true
Nate: Sitting like 10 seats over from [DELETED]. I can like legit smell Opera nightclub rolling off him
Nate: Jujuitsu pony. I'm riding it. And flying
Nate: Want to Kroger later?
Brian: Yeah i could use some provisions sorry thats army speak for food
Nate: Sounds good I can get all the supplies to make crystal meth and start slinging shards
Nate: [DELTED]'s slow pitched whine is driving me crazy
April 2011
9 posts
Nate: Insanakeu mmmm skarwwsntimwa 2
Nate: That's the name of my new anime film
Brian: I find it amazing that [DELETED] still looks younger than us - NASA should be studying him for real.
Nate: It's like, get some wrinkles man or those kids will never respect you.
On an unseasonably cold day
Brian: Yup lot of chicks had their freezing day today just brutal man
Brian: I'm so close to [DELETED] I can smell her and she can totally read this . . . Shitz
Nate: Where are you? I want you to drop my name many many many times
Nate: I've decided I'm moving to south Williamsburg, mostly just super hot Jewish women serving drinks
Brian: Sitting in your house in the juice room, be afraid be very afraid.
Nate: If you MUST (juice joke, wiki that shit)
Nate: Haha omg I am restaurant master just had dinner. Twice.
Brian: Nateandbrian Drill: make your way to the Music Hall of Williamsburg in the pouring rain
Nate: Bonus Points: end up in the green room and get a girls number
Brian: Subtracted Points: for getting thrown out with your pants at your ankles
Nate: Extra Points: be so wasted you drink vodka to recieve free food
Brian: EXTRA Extra Points: board ANY flight bound for ATL the next day